For those players who still can’t follow the scoring system or are new to the game, please read the easy-to-understand and perfectly explained examples brought to you by son PAYME/THEGUT!
Example 1: The “Blind Squirrel Gets a Nut” Pick
Game: Ohio State vs. TBD
Your Pick: You pick Ohio State to win by 14 because you couldn’t stand the thought of watching the entire state of Ohio melt down in real time…again. And furthermore, your ‘non-paying attention ass’ was just ignorant enough to think “TBD” stood for Texas Births Dummies U and figured there was no way they could play football.
Result: OSU is up by 3 with :48 left.
Sayin throws a desperation pass that ricochets off three defenders, a cheerleader’s leg, and one dude in Row 19 holding nachos, landing miraculously in Smith's arms for a touchdown. OSU wins by 10, NOT 14 dipshit. At least Ryan Day keeps both his job and future hopes of becoming the next “Just For Men” spokesperson.
Scoring:
Example 2: The “I Believe in America… and Iowa’s Defense”
You pick Iowa to beat Vanderbilt in the no-one-gives-a-crap ReliaQuest-but-ESPN-needed-content bowl.
You pick Iowa to win by 3 spread points because that’s literally the most points they can score without divine intervention.
Result: Iowa wins 9-6. That’s right, another barn burner. The punter gets game MVP. Kirk Ferentz negotiates a contract extension based solely on field position. You’re now 50th in Bowl-o-Rama and somehow proud of that.
Scoring:
Example 3: “You Absolute Clown” Scenario
You pick Notre Dame to win not realizing that they were too chicken shit to accept a bowl bid after the CFP correctly called them out for being too chicken shit to join a conference. Even Brian Kelly saw this coming and that guys a moron.
Result: Your 21 spread points have zero, zilch, nada relevance as the team never took to the field and instead opted to drown their sorrows in some dark South Bend tavern. Touchdown Jesus covers his eyes as Chicago Catholics everywhere run for the cheap beer and Malört. Cry more. It’s entertaining for the rest of us!
Scoring:
TLDR RULES FOR THE BRAIN-DEAD
Pick the winner → +10 points
If your spread is hit or exceeded → + your spread points
If you’re wrong → enjoy the taste of sadness and 0 points
May all your pics be winners!! Happy Holidays, and On Wisconsin!
From your BOR-style crew: Poohbear the “Website Whisperer” , Wawa the “Spreadsheet Sultan” and just me
- Jovil!
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